Dudes. Gals. I’m am so pumped, and this tournament is RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER. Like, holler out out your window to it, and it’s all, “Yeah, I’m COMING RIGHT UP!”

Now, we love all you teams that qualified. We truly do. However, there are (as I write this) still 9 teams who haven’t pitched in their fee. We need you to pay the registration fee by August 9th OR FACE THE SHAME CAVE. These funds are exactly what we need in order to do things like, oh, I dunno, host a big tournament. Turns out our brutish charm and cheese-ball grins don’t pay for lumber and food like they used to, so your cooperation in that is greatly appreciated. All information needed to complete that part of the deal is in your registration email. THANKS.

Don’t forget! Registration party at the Hexagon Bar, located at 2600 27th Ave South, Minneapolis, on Thursday night. We’ll have pick-up at McRae Park, which is at 906 E 47th Street, Minneapolis, earlier in the evening for folks who are into that sort of thing.

A little bird told me that some of you precious flowers have been murmuring things like, “Heyyyyy, man, those courts are a reeeeeeally long bike ride from where I’m being housed, and I don’t think I can hack it.” Fret not, my babies. We got a school bus that will pick you up at designated times and locations that are a much shorter bike ride from the floor you’re sleeping on. Now, if you can’t get your tuckus out of your bedroll in time to catch that wondrous wagon, well, then you’re just gonna have to hack it, sport.

Speaking of hacking it, have I told you we’re having side hack races around the Oval?! Yup. Bet your bippy on it. So, get rad, get in the hack, and hold on. Winner takes all bragging rights about winning.

While we’re probably going to be pretty lenient with the side hack certification, we ARE looking for folks who know the rules to ref this deal. This year, with the help of NAH, we’re making sure refs officiating games are not just good looking, but SMART and know the rules. They have been subjected to a GRUELING (kidding, it’s not, at all) test. Think you have what it takes? You should try it out. Super duper reffing test We’re also asking that at least one member of each team take the test, even if you have no machinations to ref a game.

Ahhh, yes (tents fingers), RULES. I should let you know that even though we all fantasized about being Mad Max and Tank Girl at some point, there ARE rules about how the bike you’re riding and the mallet you’re using need to be set up in order to be a legal force to be reckoned with on tournament courts. Here’s a refresher on the ruleset we will be using to OKAY your bike and mallet for play.

BIKES:
§2.3.1 – The bicycle has at least one braking mechanism.
§2.3.1.1 – A fixed gear drive train with foot retention on both pedals qualifies as a braking mechanism.
§2.3.1.2 – The handlebars are plugged or capped.
§2.3.1.3 – The chain is on the outermost chain ring or there is a bash guard.
§2.3.1.4 – There are no racks, fenders, bottle cages, saddlebags or other additions to the bicycle
specifically designed to block the ball.
§2.3.1.4.1 – Wheel covers, which cover the spokes of the wheel, are an exception to §2.3.1.4 and are permitted.
§2.3.1.5 – There are no sharp edges, points, loose screws, or otherwise unsafe parts
(at the discretion of the referee).

MALLETS:
§2.4 – Mallets
§2.4.1 – Shaft
§2.4.1.1 – The shaft is made of metal or carbon fiber.
§2.4.1.2 – The gripped end of the shaft is plugged or sealed.
§2.4.1.3 – The shaft does not protrude through the bottom of the mallet head.
§2.4.2 – Mallet head
§2.4.2.1 – The mallet head is made of plastic.
§2.4.2.2 – The mallet head is securely fastened to the shaft.
§2.4.2.3 – The mallet head is a maximum of 180mm (7”) in length.
§2.4.2.4 – The inner diameter of any hole on the mallet head may not exceed 57mm (2.25”).
§2.4.3 – Dangerous mallets
§2.4.3.1 – The referee disallows the use of mallets that they deem dangerous.
Examples of dangerous mallets may include: Mallets that splinter, shatter, or break easily,
mallets with sharp protrusions, etc.

We will have a limited supply of bike parts for sale on site, along with tools and mechanics to amend any transgressions regarding your bikes or mallets.

Again, we’re forever grateful to our sponsors for helping us out with this, it’s gonna be awesome. Teams, we are so excited to have you in our fabulous city. Even you, Milwaukee.

Summary: Tournament soon, PAY UP SUCKAS, transportation to the courts, side hack races, omgwtfbbq, RULES SCHMULES but no seriously, rules, Mad Max need not apply.